I suppose it’s a natural question, but it never occurred to me that family and friends would be so entranced with who my biological daughter looks like more – her mom or her dad? My mother-in-law went so far as to post an 8×10 picture of my husband at six months of age on her refrigerator next to pictures of her granddaughter and pointed out where she saw similarities.
I’ll admit when my daughter was born I would look at her and wonder where her cute button nose came from, but I never thought “wow, she really looks like one of us”. I finally asked my mom to pull out what baby pictures she does have of me to compare. I look nothing like my daughter does at eight months of age. We both have blue eyes, but those still have time to change.
It occurred to me then that who she looks like does not matter. She is here, she is happy and she is healthy. My daughter is a perfect mix of the both my husband and I, and she is so adorable. I wish our families would stop trying to make her look like one of us… can’t she just look like herself?
What bothers me more is that we still plan on adopting and our adopted child will have no biological traits to compare us to. I think the comparisons for my daughter should end now before we adopt. I know if I had been adopted into a family where there was already a biological child, and that child was constantly compared to his or her parents, I would have felt very lonely – and I do not want any child to feel alone.
I want all my children, present and future, to feel secure in who they are as individuals. Although my daughter is only eight months of age I think it’s my responsibility to encourage this behaviour now, so that as she grows up she will understand that she is unique and she is loved for her uniqueness. And hopefully, someday, she will be able to share this understanding and love with a sibling.
