Occasionally I take a look at online waiting parent registries for no other reason than because I am curious. Recently I came across a posting in which an adoptive mother offers to breast feed their adopted baby. Apparently hormone pills can be administered that assist in the production of breast milk. This particular adoptive mother breast fed their first adopted child and hopes to do the same with their second adopted child. This appears to be the couple’s “selling point” as this detail is outlined in their introduction
The thought of an adoptive mother breast feeding an adopted baby disturbs me.
As an adoptee I would have been “weirded” out if I found out my adoptive mother pumped herself full of hormone pills in order to breast feed me. It just doesn’t seem natural – it isn’t natural. I know there are a lot of studies that state breast milk is full of vital nutrients and is overall more beneficial to an infant when compared to formula, but I wasn’t breast fed and I am just fine. I was a happy and health infant, child and adult. My husband and his brother were also not breast fed (they are not adopted). They too were healthy babies, children and adults, and are two of the smartest individuals I know.
There are some circumstances in which a mother simply cannot breast feed their infant and for me adoption falls under one of these circumstances. An infant does not need to be breast fed in order for them to know they are loved. And while I realize this is obviously a personal choice for this particular adoptive couple, I can’t help but feel perhaps the adoptive mother has yet to come to terms with her infertility and if I were a birth mother this would concern me.
I may be attacked for my point of view concerning this issue, but beyond the fact that I am “weirded” out by the entire concept and have never considered breast feeding an adopted child, how beneficial is breast milk that is, in essence, artificially produced? How much of the synthetic hormones are being transferred through the breast milk in to the infant? I am not a doctor and obviously I am not well-versed on hormones that produce breast milk, but overall I think the idea of an adopted mother breast feeding an adopted child is wrong.
There are many adopted people and also natural parents who object to this also, so you are not alone.
I “think” the PAPS do it to try and bond.
If a Mother has given birth and especially breastfed before, she may be able to BF without hormones.
There are also some natural products that I see adoptive Moms discussing to help, but I don’t know if they still take hormones too.
I ran across this and had to comment. I totally agree with some of you. I am a birth mother and I will never forget that disturbing feeling months into the (open) adoption that I got when the adopting mom told me that she had attempted breast feeding. Fast forward 10 years later to the present and I now see it was an indicator of insecurities to come. Its now clear that the mom has never truley come to grips with the fact that she can not bear a child etc. I have read all the stories of so called history of wet nurses and such, and it does not make me feel any less disturbed. We are not cavemen nor is it the 1800’s, nor did I have a disease that prevented the birth mom (me) from breast feeding…with todays convient formulas it just is not necessary. Just my opinion, but I think someone hit the nail on the head when stating that it seems like the adopting mom is doing it for selfish (though with possible positive effects) of bonding. If bonding with a non-biological infant might be problematic, adoption may not be for you. A bold statement, I know but it strikes me along the same lines as some of the teenage girls I council attempting closeness from their boyfriends via unprotected sex. Emotional closeness is brought about by time, caring, etc. not just by a physical closeness.
I find it repulsive too.
I agree. When I was nearing the end of my pregnancy with N, I was worried when I read posts like this on forums. It made me wonder if N’s adoptive mom would chose to breastfeed and that thought bothered me. Sounds weird but I am glad I never had to witness her breastfeeding him during visits. It would have made me feel awkward and as much as I hate to admit it jealous. There are lots of ways to bond with a child, if that is the goal.
Hi, I hope I am not attacked here for my pov
I am an adoptee, just so we are clear as to where i fit in (or not LOL)
So my pov is this…..through out the ages women breast fed other womens babies during times of illness, famine and other reasons, indeed there were many many *wet nurses* and it is indeed making somewhat of a comback – read this time article
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1612710,00.html
and also google wet nurse
Before i had my own babies I would have gone EWWW how REVOLTING
Since having my own babies and breastfeeding and the struggles that are faced by many women with breastfeeding, i know the ins and outs of breastfeeding including having to take a drug, called Motillium to help increase my milk. Its not a good drug not for long term effect , but i was a woman who had given birth and still had some issues, this helped it along.. (it caused problems for me later which I wont get into here but no problems for bubs)
But some women can actually produce milk naturally without giving birth, just with natural methods of stimulation which increases prolactin, naturally.
Also there are many herbs that can increase milk supply..
For me the thought of someone else feeding my baby would be EWWWW but if I had cancer ? and had to have chemo for example and *wet nurses* were a readily available service like they used to be, I believe that i would have had my bubs breast fed by a wet nurse..As much as it ICKS me out, and i loved breastfeeding and the thought of someone else sharing that with my baby would make me so sad, but again if i was having treatment for cancer or some other disease or i was dead , breast milk ( that has been fully screened of course ) is BEST. without a doubt
Of course breast milk by Mum is the absolute best thing.
The adoptive mother that wants to BF for sefish reasons of bonding – NO – I disagree with that
The adoptive mother that wants to bf because the adoptive mother is putting the baby first then yes , i would accept it, I dont particularly like it, but that is because I dont think infants should be taken from their mothers.
just a diff pov xx
I am an adoptive mother of 2 children. These children came into my home at older ages. We are about to adopt a 3rd child as an infant.
I think that breastfeeding is a great experience both for mom and baby. I know several other adoptive mothers that have breastfed their adoptive children. At first the thought of a woman breastfeeding a child that did not come from her womb kind of grossed me out too…. But the deeper I got into understanding the gift of adoption this went away. The meaning of adoption is the raise the child from start to finish as if it came from your body. If you had given birth to that child would you have breastfeed it? Then why is it any different if you are adopting? It also allows the adoptive mother to feel like she is preparing for the infant prior to its arrival. I know I feel strange waiting for my baby but can do little to prepare for it.
I have read much on this topic and there are things without hormones that you can do to stimulate milk production. I have not yet decided whether or not to breastfeed this child. If I can produce milk without drug theraphy I probably will, if not than no. I will not pump myself full of extra hormones to reach that point. I think that breastfeeding whether by a biological mother or adoptive mother is private between that child and mother… and father if he is around to sit next them while feeding. Otherwise it really should not matter to another person. If you had seen a woman breastfeeding and could not tell the child was adopted you would not have given it a second thought…
The fact is the child is her child whether it came from her womb or not. We treat our children as if we gave birth to them.
I have the same negative reaction to an adoptive mother breast feeding a baby.
I think part of my reaction is because I think it is being done not for the baby but for the adoptive mother in order to support the feeling that this child is as if born to her.
I think this belief is one that causes a lot of trouble for adoptees who must grow up to believe this too and deny any feelings they have about wanting to know their first family.
I THINK THAT BREAST FEEDING IS THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD. I KNOW THAT SOME PEOPLE HAVE PROBLEMS WITH BREAST FEEDING OTHER PEOPLES CHILDREN. I DONT SEE A PROBLEM WITH B/F ANOTHER CHILD;I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT THE B/M IS GOOD FOR THE BABY. I AM A DAYCARE PROVIDER. I SIT AND WATCH ONE OF MY BABIES GO THRU A GAS STAGE AND IT HURTS ME BECAUSE OF A CERTAIN FORMULA. THIS CHILD HAS BEEN ON THREE DIFFERENT FORMULAS. I HAVE ANOTHER THAT IS STRICKLY BREAST FED. SHE IS IN GOOD CONDITION, NO GAS, DOES NOT FUSS, JUST BEING AN INFANT. I AM ADOPTING MY SISTERS BABY COMING IN APRIL, I WOULD LIKE TO BREAST FEED THIS BABY. THERE IS NOTHING MORE THAT I WANT FROM THIS BABY. YES, I WOULD LIKE TO BOND WITH THE BABY, BUT I WILL NOT TRY TO B/F FOR MY PERSONAL ISSUES, BECAUSE I CANT HAVE ANY MORE CHILDREN. I AM GOING TO LOVE THIS BABY LIKE SHE OR HE WAS MY OWN. ALL THOUGH THIS CHILD WILL BE MY NIECE OR NEPHEW, I WILL STILL TREAT HIM OR HER LIKE MY OWN.
I am laughing at all the people “grossing out” over adoptive parents breastfeeding. Human milk for human infants. Funny how people gross out and then go to the grocery store and buy a gallon of milk that came from the surrogate tits of cows. I applaud adoptive moms who breastfeed. Good for them! So what if part of their reason is bonding? Adopted infants don’t deserve to bond with the same advantage that biological infants do? Like adoptive aunt above, I will probably be adopting my sister’s baby. I have breastfed my children, and I have no qualms about breastfeeding this child too- and for exactly the same reason I breastfed my other children- nutrition, immune factors, formula cost, convenience and yea bonding too.
I agree with “chuckling” comments above.
I am preparing to adopt and do not know my future child yet. As an educated woman, breast feeding is a serious option I am now researching. Honestly, I was disturbed when I came across the commentary of people being grossed out by this scenario.
I eat organic food and have a strong understanding that processed food is not what is best for us as humans. Why wouldn’t I look at the healthiest nutritional choice for a child?
Breast feeding is clearly the more natural choice not the easiest.
As for bonding, I am confident in my ability to bond without my breast, although I am sure I will discover what everyone is talking about when they mention the preciousness of that quality connection between a care giver and an infant.
I believe if women weren’t so self-conscious about the uniqueness of their breasts (too small, perky, too big, too saggy) and thought about the purpose of them (to feed babies) this wouldn’t be an issue.
By the way:
I hope the birth mother of my future son or daughter provides the first feed for the babies advantage of receiving colostrum.
I agree with both chuckling and adoptive mom to be. How did American culture become so breast negative? Americans are so obsessed with the sexualization of breasts that we have forgotten what they are for. Women have breastfed each others babies for thousands of years of human evolution so it is in no way “unnatural”. If you are going to use the argument that breastfeeding another’s biological child is unnatural than you can also argue that adoption itself is unnatural. How is feeding any different than other caretaking behaviors an adoptive parent does? Yes, a birth mother may become jealous when hearing their child is being breastfed by someone else, but that same jealousy will come up when thinking about them kissing their child, tucking them in at night, cuddling with them, watching them take their first step, etc. The benefits of breastfeeding for the baby are well-documented. Ask any doctor. Do the research. I think it is sad that American culture has become so uncomfortable with this beautiful and powerful part of the female body that so many people chose to do what’s NOT best for the baby.