I’ll admit I was surprised that I found my birth father before my birth mother. The after school made-for-TV movies I saw as a kid never showed adopted children looking for their birth father and here mine was – a middle-aged man, married with two children wanting to reconnect with his long lost daughter. Now remember, I was the product of a closed adoption. Open adoption wasn’t really an option given to my birth parents at the time of my birth. So, while I always knew I was adopted discovering the names and getting to know my actual birth families was very much uncharted territory for me.
However, from the moment I read that first email from my birth father, I knew he was a good person. One thing that took me by surprise was his inexplicable need to apologize. As far as I was concerned there was no apology needed. I always considered my birth parents to be very brave people – it takes a lot of courage and radical introspection to give a child up for adoption, especially if you are confused and pregnant teenagers.
I remember having a pregnancy scare as a teenager and reflecting on what it must have felt like for my birth mother. The emotional roller coaster and extreme moments of confusion and anxiety were so overwhelming that I remember wondering why she just didn’t terminate the pregnancy. It was this horrendous thought that gave me a profound appreciation for my birth mother for giving me life. Without my birth parents I wouldn’t exist. Without my birth mother’s strength and courage I wouldn’t have the wonderful life I do today. And with those thoughts I openly welcomed my birth father and continue to consider him and his family an important part of my life.
